Restaurants

In a bold reimagining of the guest experience, forward-thinking hoteliers have identified their most undermonetized asset: the very air their guests breathe. Industry insiders report that Indoor Air Quality (iAQ) has emerged as hospitality’s most exciting revenue opportunity. The strategy is simple: subtly decrease iAQ standards in base-tier rooms to create contrast with “Pure Air Suites.”

Des Moines hospitality chain unveils $200 million “World’s Most Accessible Resort” featuring no stairs, only gentle hills; oversized TV remotes; doorways wider than airplane hangars; and furniture resembling padded playground equipment. The ultra-defensive design eliminates all sharp edges and potential hazards, creating what guests describe as vacationing inside a liability attorney’s fever dream.