REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – In a city where summer means the sun barely bothers to set, local culinary professionals have identified a new source of unwanted illumination plaguing their establishments: the relentless glow of smartphone screens.
A coalition of Reykjavik’s finest chefs has launched a petition calling for immediate action against what they’re dubbing “distracted dining syndrome,” a phenomenon where guests spend more time documenting, researching, and scrolling than actually consuming the carefully plated creations before them.
“We’ve invested thousands in custom dimmer switches and Edison bulbs to create the perfect ambiance,” explained one frustrated restaurateur. “Then someone at table seven fires up their phone at full brightness to look up whether our béarnaise is Michelin-worthy, and suddenly the whole dining room looks like an Apple Store.”
What began as innocent food photography for social media has metastasized into a full-blown epidemic. Guests are now fact-checking ingredient origins mid-bite, consulting online reviews while still seated at the table, and comparing the establishment’s plating techniques to TikTok videos – all while their carefully timed courses congeal under the soft glow of reclaimed filament lighting.
The petition proposes revoking dining privileges for exactly 370 days for repeat offenders, a timeframe organizers insist is “scientifically calculated based on the average duration required for behavioral rehabilitation and also how long it takes us to forget their faces.”
Among the petition’s most prominent signatories is the internationally acclaimed Chef U, whose revolutionary approach to gastronomy has earned both Michelin recognition and baffled health inspectors. Known for techniques like pressure-cooking ice cream with automotive parts and dry-aging fruit in abandoned shipping containers, Chef U has become the unlikely voice of traditional dining decorum.
“I’ll combine pineapple with concrete dust if the flavor profile demands it,” Chef U stated at a press conference held under Reykjavik’s perpetual June twilight. “But I draw the line at letting blue light destroy what took me three years and a minor lawsuit to perfect.”
The petition has already garnered over 2,000 signatures from hospitality professionals across the city, though critics note that many signatures appear to have been collected via online form – a irony not lost on the dining public.
Several restaurants have already begun implementing preliminary measures, including “phone valets” at the host stand and complimentary eye masks distributed with dessert menus. One establishment reportedly experimented with a Faraday cage installation before realizing it also blocked their own POS system.
As of press time, the city council has agreed to review the petition, though one official noted they’d need to research the matter more thoroughly first – right after they finish Googling what béarnaise actually is.